Tuesday, May 6, 2008

In honor of my Dad's B-day

On this day, May 6th, I have chosen to honor the occasion of my father's birth by participating in a long-standing family tradition--I will comment on his life and quirks with healthy doses of sarcasm and exaggeration.

The Reasons why we are glad Paul Leonard was born...
  1. Certain words in the English vernacular have been presevered and even seen a resurgence because of his careful use and preservation...don't "go nutty", stay away from something that sounds "sketchy", hurry up and "let's get humping", when we were "zoobies", and "it is possible...?"

  2. Many natural resources, such as wood and certain metals, were conserved and rescued from almost certain death and destruction by his watchful eye and undying loyalty to the green movement, conservation efforts to combat global warming, and the "I am not a handyman, why don't we just buy it ?" mantra

  3. Several utility and telecommunications companies have expressed gratitude for his tireless efforts to push the frontier of long-distance phone calls and vocal volume. Centuries from now, alien visitors might be priviliged to hear him berating a customer service representative in escalating tones while question her lineage and study of the English language

  4. His new interest in triathalong training, although done with the quiet intensity of a Burmese monk (pre-Junta but post-The King and I), will provide inspiration for the chosen few who are informed of his rise to athletic tri-stardom. His dedication to a sport where one's main goal is to not die will provide much-needed humor in an election year where two soulless Demorats battle for the white house. In fact, we may be allowed to participate in an important training ritual for him, such as the one detailed in this video...

  5. Spandex might never have lived up to its full potential without the marathon product testing sessions that he has put the synthetic fabric through, teenage volleyball players and San Franciscan hairdresses named Coco salute him...

  6. He single-handedly supports the Pacific Northwest golf economy. The rest of the players on the links might appear legitimate, but their support of the game is a careful ruse for them to discover how one can spend so much time with "clubs" without resorting to physcial violence...

  7. The Hayden Lake Chamber of Commerce was happy to induct the "North office" into its rank-and-file membership, along with including some of the site's amenities and luxuries in its brochure to lithe Starbucks-infused Californians looking to relocate. The Chamber is still investigating what commercial activities actually occur in the North Office, but are confident that the enterprise will enlarge the tax base, attract the high-tech industry and cure cancer.

  8. The abudant wildlife flourishing in the glades of Timber Creek raise their beaks, antennaes, and amoeba limbs to thank him for his crusade against the man. His fight for their scurvy groundwater and gritty swamp habitat have protected the sanctity of the wilderness while ensuring an interference-free DirectTV signal for neigbhoring properties.

  9. Rogers and Hammerstein, George Gershwin, Tim Rice, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Elton John and John Barry all are grateful for his creative contributions to their works and his renewed energy and zen he brings to traditional song lyrics and melodies. Simply put, the classics wound not have gotten to where they are without some ad-libbing and rthymic and meter distortion to fit modern themes and archetypes of the musical experience. Softly, slowly...now we brush the tee-th...

  10. In all seriousness, I can't tell you how glad I am that my Dad was born 48 years ago today and that he has lived his life to be the kind of hilarious, strong, spiritual, fun-loving, intelligent husband, father and friend that so many love and appreciate today. I love his quirks and I can only hope to follow the example of one who can see the humor in just about everything while being a leader in his family and community. Love you lots Papa G!


Anonymous said...

Happy birthday to your dad! Delighted to have had my career boosted by him over the years.
Best wishes
Tim Rice
(Really is me)
Not sure how I can prove this but why would anyone else bother to pretend to be me?

Hughett's Fun House said...

Happy Birthday to you Brittany! I hope you have an awesome day!